Homosexuality

I'm attracted to boys instead of girls, being a guy myself, that, and only that, obviously makes me gay.

Ever since January 2001 I openly admit that I'm gay, I decided to no longer to make a big secret out of it and only keep it to myself. This information might come as a surprise to people who know me but didn't know this little yet important detail about me, although most of my friends already know.

My Boyfriend

Around the same time, I met my boyfriend Hans. We initially met over IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and got along great right away, just a week or two later we met "in real life" and started our relationship that has endured ever since. Below you will find some photos of him, and for more information about him, you can visit his homepage on exotic gardening.

My boyfriend Hans proycon

Sexuality and coming to terms with it

Having been confronted with my own sexuality head-on, you can understand that I don't have rigid views about sexuality. Sexual preference I think is not as black and white at it is most often perceived, it can instead be seen as a balance between the percentage of homosexuality and the percentage of heterosexuality. Even heterosexuals often have a small degree of homosexuality in them, and vice versa. If the balance between the two sexualities is more or less equal then the person in question is bisexual. They key is that one learns to know his own sexual preference and accept it.

Accepting it can be easier said than done. I was fortunate enough not to be in a repressive socio-religious environment, but one that would fully accept me. But still I had to battle through my own preconceptions and fears. It was a hard battle but eventually shaped me for the better.

The biggest misconception of all, especially amongst heterosexual religious folk is that homosexuality is a choice. Even if it were so it shouldn't matter. But I can say for once and for all that one does not choose to be gay, one simply experiences homosexual feelings that suddenly seem to emerge out of thin air and overwhelm you. Just like heterosexuals don't choose to be heterosexual, gay people don't choose to be gay. In fact, when I discovered it, I tried to make it "go away", which is doomed to fail as their are biological factors one has no control over.

Am-I-Gay? FAQ

Do you think you are gay? I wrote a little FAQ to help people with their so-called 'coming out', since I've experienced it all myself I thought I might as well help others, note that I wrote this for male readers who think they might be gay too...

How do I know if I'm gay?

Well, I've made a small list of what behaviour might indicate that you're gay (take what I write here with a bit of humour):

Staring at other boys, thinking thinking "that's a cute guy" and almost never thinking "that's a hot chick"
Watching a TV show, which would otherwise be quite boring, just because of one cute guy.
Being rather silent and shy in the gym's changing room. Although you're quite happy with the view you feel you're an intruder.
Being able to talk about deeper subjects with girls easier than with other boys.
Sucking at practically every sport (don't know if this is a general rule but I sure know it applies in my case)

If you're gay then you'll definitely find out sooner or later, if you're very young then there's no need to rush things!

I think I am gay but I don't want to!

First your subconscious mind will discover you're gay but then the hard part comes: accepting it yourself. For some people this can be very hard given the social stigma homosexuality has in a lot of cultures! You might not even want to be gay at first, but you'll have to accept that you are gay. It is a part of you and there's no need to be ashamed of it or deny it. After accepting it you'll even learn to like being gay and then you wouldn't want it any other way. Believe me! Although it might all seem very difficult at first, try to learn more about the subject, allow yourself to look at boys and accept who you are. Most important is to be honest with yourself.

I now know I'm gay, but the rest of the world doesn't. How to proceed?

Another hard but rewarding experience, your coming-out, telling your environment who you really are. This is a very difficult stage for gay people, depending on the social environment they're in, but after it's done it'll be very rewarding and leave you a lot of psychological experience. Who to tell first? Mom, dad? A female friend? A male friend? A cousin? Your neighbour? Your dog? Well, your dog will probably take the news easily as long as you keep feeding him, but I don't think that's the proper 'person' to come out to. Most gay boys will want to come out to a close friend first, most likely a female friend. If you get a long real good with your parents, like in my case, then you can also consider telling them first: "Hi mom, how was your day? oh...by the way...I'm gay".

It's of course your choice whom to tell first, choose someone you know will accept the news without problems. It will definitely take some time getting used too for those whom you tell, but that's only natural, be prepared to give them that. Girls will most likely enjoy the fact that you're gay cause you can now talk about boys together! One thing is for sure, your coming out will add a whole new dimension to your life and will open doors that previously remained sealed.

Also consider that coming-out is not obligatory, you don't have to tell everybody you know that you're gay if you don't want to. Just let the people closest to you know.

How to get in touch with other gay people?

The internet offers wonderful opportunities to get in touch with other gay people, take a look at the websites I already mentioned earlier. And also consider chatting with gay people. In real life you can go to gay bars, gay events, and there are even organizations for young gays.

Well, this is about the end of my short Gay FAQ, I hope you enjoyed it and found some useful information.